WHAT PROBLEMS ARE CAUSED BY GETTING ANGRY
“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”
When anger is present, reason usually is not. When anger takes over human action, good human character can erode. When anger is what we are known by, we are known for the wrong thing. When anger is excused, decency is diminished. Anger can be dominant, but shouldn’t be. Anger in a caregiving situation is debilitating and lessens the likelihood of an orderly recovery or a planned rehabilitation. Anger can harm care giving. Anger can cause scars, sometimes those scars don’t go away. Consider the following problems created by uncontrolled anger:
Lost Effectiveness – What about speaking of not getting angry. What if, because of anger, one can lose effectiveness as a person, as a manager, as an organizer, as a caregiver. Could your repressed anger be causing those reactions? It is possible! Unresolved anger issues lead to anxiety, which can have long-term effect on your life. Immediate effects of anxiety might include dizziness, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle pain, muscle tension, headaches, and problems with memory and concentration. Such symptoms can make it difficult to perform routine tasks and can add to generalized anger about life. (5)
Unfair Situation – Caregivers often find themselves in just such a quagmire. The care giving assignment is more demanding than they thought it would be, or they wish they had never agreed to the tasks, or they want some relief and they do not see an end to their assignment. It is natural to feel that maybe there are others that should be doing it, or at least helping. The caregiver’s health may be suffering and their patience also. “Why do I have to go on,” they silently cry? “This is unfair! I can’t get over feeling angry all the time, and I don’t know what to do about it.” In such instances the caregiver may begin to lose normal effectiveness due to the anger invoked by his or her care giving responsibilities, or feel that they have become a victim of their demanding care giving.
Relationship Concerns – Without the benefit of change, anger can lead to problems—problems with your loved patient, and in the overall quality of your life. Anger can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. While anger is seldom really justified, the difficult circumstances of caregiving can make it seem so. Patients, though usually unjustified, can be angry. They may be angry because of their physical circumstances and sometimes just simply because they are lonely or even scared.
Anger Is a Powerful Emotion - From Better Health.vic.gov.au comes this very excellent advice:
"If it isn’t handled appropriately, it may have destructive results for you and those closest to you. Uncontrolled anger can lead to arguments, physical fights, physical abuse, assault and self-harm. On the other hand, well-managed anger can be a useful emotion that motivates you to make positive changes.
Anger triggers the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response. Other emotions that trigger this response include fear, excitement and anxiety. The adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol.
The brain shunts blood away from the gut and towards the muscles, in preparation for physical exertion. Heart rate, blood pressure and respiration increase, the body temperature rises and the skin perspires. The mind is sharpened and focused."
Wrongful Words Alienate and Humiliate - Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. Wrongful words also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you towards a solution; hopefully included will be your loved one. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything and it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Jumping To Conclusions Is Dangerous - Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the patient is saying and take your time before answering. When necessary, walk away. Find some personal space. Then come back and finish what was started if it can lead to agreement and/or compromise.
Final Thought: At the website MegaMood.com you will find an outstanding article:
Title: Eight Shocking Ways Anger Can Destroy Your Life